New Studies and a Restless heart

I have a good friend who is a Jewish religious teacher at a private school. And one thing I notice beyond his outreach to other religious groups is he is always talking about Studying. I read "This is My God" this summer by Henry Wouk written in the 1950s as a good summary of Jewish religious practices. What struck me over and over was the emphasis on daily studying, (that and the cool festivals I was always curious about and some I had never heard of). Not just daily prayers, and meditations most of us Christians are used to talking about and rededicating ourselves, but study. Between that and some pointed pulling of different phrases in Mass the last few weeks, and taking my kids to the summer program of faith formation at our church, I have decided to start again with a study program. 


I had forgotten how much I loved this sort of thing. I was type of girl to love college, not just the parties, marching band practice, eating lunch at the Lakeside cafe, but the classes, taking notes, hole punching articles, staying up and writing that paper or project (maybe not a fan of editing it-- excuse my spelling and grammar here also, I never will be a strong grammarian).


So I will attempt to synthesize and present, not for anyone's sake but my own, what I am studying and how it strikes me here in this blog. Maybe get a little bit of use of this bit of cyberspace I call my own. If a few people like it or get something out of it-- so much the better, but Im not overly worried about that nor my follower count. My plan isnt to "get through" it and its 2857 paragraphs but to take each small section and try to absorb a deeply, reread the Biblical sections referenced and quoted and to deepen my faith and knowledge, not just "skim" the chapters like an accomplishment.


Catechism of the Catholic Church (c)1994  


The beginning section starts with Profession of Faith and then talks about the Celebration of Christian Mystery (Mass and sacraments), Life in Christ and lastly christian Prayer.

This first section of starts talking about belief and faith. I love this quote (P will stand for paragraph) P26 "Faith is man's response to God, who reveals and gives himself to man, at the same time bringing man a superabundant light as he searches for the ultimate meaning of his life." 
The Desire for God 
God give me hear the awakening desire to know you more deeply each day, so that I "might seek God, ever perhaps grope for him  and find him, though indeed he is not far from anyone of us." - Acts 17:27 NAB. Do not let the evils of this world or my own sinfulness cause me to hide my face from the Lord as did our ancestors in the Garden (Gen 3:8-10) and Jonah (1:3) or even the mustard seed among the thorns (Mt 13:22). Make mine a "heart that is restless until it rests in you." (St. Augustine, Confessions).

"Restless" by Switchfoot

I am the sea on a moonless night,
Calling, falling, slipping tides
I am the leaky, dripping pipes
The endless aching drops of light
I am the raindrop falling down,
Always longing for the deeper ground
I am the broken, breaking seas
Even my blood finds ways to bleed

Even the rivers ways to run
Even the rain to reach the sun
Even my thirsty streams,
Even in my dreams

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

I am the thorn stuck in your side,
I am the one that you left behind,
I am the dried up doubting eyes
Looking for the well that won’t run dry

Running hard for the other side
The world that I’ve always been denied
Running hard for the infinite
With the tears of the saints and hypocrites

Oh blood of black and white and gray
Death and life and night and day
One by one by one
We let our rivers run

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
Looking for you

I can hear you breathing,
I can hear you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tear and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I'm looking for you

I can feel you breathing
I can feel you leading
More than just a feeling
More than just a feeling
I can feel you reaching
Pushing through the ceiling
'til the final healing
I'm looking for you
I'm looking for you

Taking on too much....

I admit it. I have a problem. I say yes often when I should say no. Maybe something is hard-wired into me, and alot of other moms. Especially mom, teacher, organization-types that say Yes before that little birdy says... "Isnt this too much?"

I think we do it because, we know whatever we are saying yes to is often a worthwhile endeavor for ourselves or our family. Right now, our family does Boy Scouts ("It's CUB SCOUTS mom," says Daniel), Girl Scouts with my Brownie Tess. I also sing in the LifeTeen choir on Sunday nights which also involves rehearsals once a week for an hour and a half and a total of 3 hours on Sunday including mass. I cantor once a month and now gearing up to participate in a Spring Concert choir. This is in addition to going to church as a family, housework, oh and teaching and occasionally going to the gym. I also read voraciously, watch tv and movies like most other people, and have minor addiction to social media and games, such as Facebook, Twitter, WordsWithFriends, etc. And occasionally an audience member to live music whether it is a concert at the local arena or local bar.

I am not writing this to show off my "super-busy-mommy" badge, but to just kind of step back and examine, why we (rather I) do these things, if they are worthwhile to make sure that a full calendar isnt additional stressor, but indication of a full life.

I think the question we have to often stop and ask ourselves is this "Is this activity worthwhile for my development, my family's growth, or relaxation from life's requirements and stress (work & money) or is this time that should be devoted to interior pursuits."

Keeping that balance between internal rest (reading, time spent in true quiet in church, the things we are called to do more in Lent to add perspective to our busy lifes) and my internal hardwiring of my personality which seeks social connection, and need to help others in projects (like my Brownie scouts-- did I mention I was a troop leader, not jsut a GS mom?)  Something has to give and I find myself on a metaphorical teeter-totter. The last few months-- well this year especially has been to oscillate between more activities because of the kids being older and involved in scouts and more at school, and less just "BEING" time at home.

How much is too much? I know each person has a different tolerance level. I wonder where my limit is, and will I recognize it?

Today's reading from the lectionary (http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/022512.cfm) Isaiah give us two requirements to delight the Lord.
             If you remove from your midst oppression,
false accusation and malicious speech;
If you bestow your bread on the hungry
and satisfy the afflicted;
Then light shall rise for you in the darkness,
and the gloom shall become for you like midday;
Then the LORD will guide you always
and give you plenty even on the parched land.
He will renew your strength,
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring whose water never fails.
The ancient ruins shall be rebuilt for your sake,
and the foundations from ages past you shall raise up;
"Repairer of the breach," they shall call you,
"Restorer of ruined homesteads."

Okay.... so do for others.... help. Then Lord will raise your gloom, renew your strength, and you shall be like a watered garden.

Then...
If you hold back your foot on the sabbath
from following your own pursuits on my holy day;
If you call the sabbath a delight,
and the LORD's holy day honorable;
If you honor it by not following your ways,
seeking your own interests, or speaking with maliceB
Then you shall delight in the LORD,
and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;
I will nourish you with the heritage of Jacob, your father,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Okay... so this is the balance, to try my best to make Sunday that rest, that slowing down and pursuing that internal dialogue. 

Hard words to follow in a busy world when laundry is calling and Cookie booths must be manned (or rather wo-manned). I guess, I should just try the best I can, and focus on details for this week and creating balance now, while keeping a vague eye on future events without over analyzing my to-do lists for 3 weeks from now.... Once again to give up that worry into someone elses hands, hard challenge to take up when "Super-busy moms" with badges are used to saying yes and making it perfect for everyone else.... 

(PS If you want to know where to buy those mentioned cookies.... Cookie Locator, and Troop 20030 will be at Bobby Jones Lowes Sunday, Feb 26 from 2-6pm).